"Constructivity". Constructive Activity.

It had just passed midnight, and my plan to sleep was a flop. I just got myself a body scrub of ground coffee & coconut oil, i am wide awake if the caffeine is working through my skin pores right now. 

From my bedroom window, i can still hear my local neighbours having a serious conversation for the past one hour, and still going strong... The dogs in our neighbourhood seems like having a gang-meeting every night howling their trash out...( i'm adjusting to it).

Cheers to Moon day tomorrow, i can afford to stay up late. 

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone that time is lost by itself? That's probably the most beautiful moment that i appreciate. I call this moment of vacuum--- tick-tocking loses its presence, and everything we are engaging in is simply in the present. 

For this, i have to agree with Mitch Albom "  I prefer clocks broken." in his book The Time Keeper. 

Constructive engagements.

This is probably my intention for this trip to Mysore. 

For sure i am different person today, as compared to who i was when i first came to Mysore in 2009.

As Sharath mentioned in one of his yoga conference, " Everyone comes to Mysore with different reasons and intentions." I agree. 

My underlying intentions in each trip i made changes as i grow over the years. 

Earlier, it was more of exploration, fun and exciting. This time, i feel different--- i want to laser beam into my practice and learning to be appreciative with the whole experience and the relationships i build here. 

I become selective for whatever i am putting my energy into. 

Constructive engagements i call.

Activities and conversation that may grow me into a better person than i am now. 

Share with me something that i don't know, i'm interested to know. 

Yes, i do meet some great people here who build conducive relationships to create positive ripples. Some practice yoga, and quite a big handful do not--- something that i really love about. 

You can't be without people. You can't be with people~ Sadhguru 

I'm very pro to the idea of being able to invest some time alone for ourselves. 

That's the time when most external distractions quieten down, the silence seeps into us and we listen to our own voice. 

I'm a people person but first i learn to check out what kind of person i am---- 

That happens when i spend enough time knowing myself.

Because, i do not wish to having friends as being each other hole-fillers. 

I prefer friendships and relationships that nurture one another a better person that we first met:)

If i am the author of my life, which i am.

If life is a book , what story will yours be?

If i am the author of my life, which i am;
I want my book to be un-catagorised.
In some pages that will be words;
Other pages contain photos, pictures and drawings.

If i am the author of my life, which i am;
In those words that hold timeless messages, that can be read and re-read many times through generations.
There, i will pen down some silly moments that can lift up some spirits.

If i am the author of my life, which i am;
With collections of travelogues as encouragement to explore the world of foreign lands;
Not forgetting a life-long exploration of the inner world, that is utmost important.

If i am the author of my life, which i am;
It would not be a dictionary.
There may not have the most interesting stories, but surely not the boring ones.

If i am the author of my life, which i am;
I shall be the one holding the pen, and writing it from now.
Down the years, i would then be able to read those stories to my children and grandchildren;
Not a day the stories i shall be sharing is the same, every moment is different.

3rd Week in Mysore: In & About

Days kind of glide pass quickly, and its already my 3rd week in Mysore. What's the best thing i do without--- watch. 

Back home, i could throw quick glances at times from various places--- my watch ( if i'm wearing on on that day), the clock on my mobile, the clocks in the train station and the digital ones on the screen.

I literally could feel " chasing after time".

For the past 3 weeks, besides keeping track of the strict schedule of my yoga practice at the shala--- i basically breeze through my days feeling " on time all the time"--- vinyasa---- everything in synchronisation. 

Growing up in a bustling small city, it took me about 1 week to settle in for the many " waiting" moment. Waiting: to get a mat space ( 1- 1.5 hrs), for the food, for the electricity to power up ( they had improved, power trips in less now).... which did took a while for my patience to settle in. 

This trip, less of " Out & About"... rather more of " In & About".

Why make so much effort to Mysore when i could have get my practice done back home?
I have to say, because it does make a huge difference. If you have been to Singapore, you may have experience how overwhelming distractions can be.

I'm still on a long road of the learning journey, i'm brutally honest that my absorption ability is greatly limited.
Injecting myself into the community in Mysore for short-term, carrying an intention to travel further and deeper into the other untouched corner of my inner world.

Does it worth the effort making a trip to Mysore, while stopping the flow of income and comfort?
Why do yoga,  its way too difficult? The practice is demanding, the poses are crazy... why bother doing it?

Those who were seen dancing 

were thought to be insane by

those who could not hear the music.

I particularly love this sentence by Friedrich Nietzsche. For we who understood, do not bother to further explain. For those who don't understand, any explanation would be redundant. 

Life is just self-explanatory. We don't talk through it, we experience. 

We don't choose either the easy or difficult task. We choose to do the right thing.

Picking the right thing neither necessarily is challenging nor easy--- its taking the next step that creates ripples of love ( not fear). 

I was reading this page by Malcolm Gladwell--- while he was exploring the idea of " desirable difficulties."  

In it, he mentioned that " to overcome a hurdle, we will overcome it better when we are force to think a little harder."

Whether we are talking about the " disgustingly challenging" poses planted through the whole yoga sequence; or in life...

When we spend a little more effort and a little more time for a moment, we are receiving better chance of making a right choice for ourselves. 

We have all the time in the world to do the things we find meaning in doing.

We've no time to spare for the things we don't connect with. 

I guess in the relativity of time, we all experience this... always. Don't you?

Staying within mat space.

On our second week in Mysore, we started the week with LED class. The thought of heading to a LED class in the shala can gets my adrenal pump up the night before. I was discussing with Shirly the time we need to get out of the house, with an intention to get comfortable spot to practice ( i wouldn't use the word " good spot").

We headed out while the AM is still dark, and joined the small crowd sitting in further up closer to the door. Still good, we are probably at the 3rd tier, enough to get into the main practice area.

Going to a LED class in Mysore to me resembles attending a rock concert. The gate opens, everyones rushed in during the transition from the previous class. It was pretty crazy, expect that the noise was kept to the minimum--- the action surely didn't justify it. 

Mat to mat? Oh yeah, sometimes even mat overlapping mats. If we got considerate neighbours...great! 

Having that mutual awareness for the presence of one another ( left, right, front & back)--- no fret about having feet zooming into the face ( which i got it today) or getting some kicks during practice. 

If Mysore style class is more about getting into a focused and undisturbed practice-- in an environment of distractions ( people moving up and down, doing different stuff of their own practice);

Then Led class would be more about expanding that awareness to the surrounding while still keeping in the game. David Swenson once said, " Whatever it is, stay within your mat space---Asteya/ non-stealing."

I am used to extending my arms from the side and upwards. But when i came here, i can't--- i mean... i can still extend my arms sideways like i used to...

That means the chances of slapping my neighbours are there too. 

So, i changed my habit to suit the environment while still keeping up with the flow.

Some people may start comparing the level of comfort of the practice from the studios where they come from and here in Mysore. 

All i can say is... everything here, is part of the practice too--- its comes in a whole package!

Its India, just enjoy!

Learning through un-expectation.

Expectation, is kind of like screwdriver.
That incarnate the capability to screw up our learning progression.

Everyone of us has got different palm size, we can only hold that much handful at any one time. However, we tend to take others' palm size and bench marked it against what we have.
That expectation, screwed us up.

We see things that is unreal, yet we think its real.
Making a fuss of what didn't happened, forgoing a chance to appreciate what already we have.
Thinking about the non-exisstential of the past & future that we can't get hold of anyway;
Why not experience whatever is given in our hands of the present moment?

In the past, i used to believed being having a positive outlook in any situations. I decided to drop the idea of being positive. Not that i'm total against this concept, but it didn't really serve the root purpose at the end of the day, really.

We could keep persuading ourselves into being positive, standing behind that lens doesn't solve the root issue on the other side. Isn't it a kind of delusion too?

Isn't those two are a kind of expectation set by others' which could be very subjective to each?

Instead of see-sawing between negative & positive, why not break those lens of delusion and come sense with the reality?


With perspective--- learning through un-expectation, maybe?

A promise to myself.

I guess, my new year started when i stepped into Mysore few days back! 

So, happy new year to me!

It's sure a good feeling that i've realised that i'm happier not living closely to the timeline and calendars--- instead, i do appreciate better when i live in moments and episodes. 

Before coming into India, my friend Daniel asked me if i've done the things i wanted for the year---

for the first time, i can totally dive into a big YES! All the things i'd been longing to fulfilled, i've done so.

I also made a little promise to myself, if given a chance to re-enter the same situation that i didn't handled well in the past--- i would want to take the chance to bridge whatever i acquired on the mat to make any relationships a little sweeter this time. 

" Leave the world a better place than you first entered."--- that's my motto for the year.

When i used to have conflicts with my family especially--- i found myself constantly has to fight my way to get their full understanding of me. However, i do realised eventually was that--- i just simply didn't understand myself enough to understand them. 

Instead of leaving the gap between my daily practice on the mat and my actual life-- i want to nurture a supportive nexus within myself, and moving forward to create a more harmonising connection with the people in my life. 

My piece of world is much bigger than i thought, than i can perceived. 

It has been working well for me so far, getting my friends and family involved in the activities that i wanted to do; gave me a good chance as an invitation to a part of my world--- and they showed me theirs--- each our planet expands a little through sharing. 

There are people who appreciates me;

and there are people who depreciates me.

We all have a choice to be who we want to be with. 

Coming to Mysore was not a snap it easy choice--- its a seed that i decided to plant it and grow towards the blossoms throughout the year. 

This time, i felt really appreciative towards how my parents started to be a little supportive than the past trips, getting understanding from students for respecting the importance for a teacher to study---

all this little things do settle my emotions quicker than before. 

How do i feel being back in Mysore? Cosy home feeling. 

Just within couple of days here, its been such a good offer to meet i call them 

 " off the track" people--- folks may not know what they really really want right now, keeping themselves off the track opens up many opportunities and possibilities.

We share our stories, and our world expands a little:)

Who's gonna solve your problems?

I'm back to my blog after a good while of enjoying my time juggling among traveling and music practices other than my yoga schedule.

I especially love approaching year end, that's when i would deliberately slow down my engine from my work and pre-occupy myself with the things i love to do. 

First of all, being able to put in more time for my own practice is already a great deal; that's not all :P---- I did make a quick hop over to Shanghai, just gonna beat myself up for not extending my stay! 

...and sneaked to Anilao for an awesome dive experience ( the people are just too nice!) 

I've been heading for music practices for an upcoming concert this end of November with NovoWinds, so excited for it.

Finally, my luggage is filling up for very look forward stay in Mysore, getting time off for self-practice & advancement is sure a luxury for any yoga teachers.

While swirling in the midst of a chaotic schedule for the past few months, i've been criss-crossing many different paths of people i met and insightful conversation exchanges.

Once my music conductor briefly mentioned this sentence during a practice:

" If you realized, we often get super lost during our rest bars. When we are playing, we hardly get lost. Please be extra attentive & be with us during your resting bars." ~ Xaven

I totally have to agree with him-- as we tend to depend the other playing instruments for the next entrance to play--- unless we are very very familiar with the piece, 99% chance of getting lost and get messed up!

So, we practically put our duty as an individual musician to the others.

What the conductor mentioned actually reminded me of the many students i've come across,
who constantly seeking different therapists, doctors and teachers over the years for solutions. ( and how some therapist literally was running away from them)

The issue lies in the refusal to claim responsibility of their own problems. Every health professional that they met, they will be ready to  throw their baggage off-- expecting others to solve problems created by them. 

All solutions sit in the problems. 

Only the creator of the mess will know how the best way to clean it. 

Umpteenth times of yoga practices, shows us that whatever happens in the practice, be it the many falls, the ups & downs of emotion roller coaster rides, the flow of the many thoughts, those distractions, injuries, bruises, heaviness.... its part of us.

To get pass all these with full acceptance is not easy, but that's the way to the next step of making peace and dissolution.

The acceptance to see ourselves through the lenses of those identities we refuse to look at--- takes a lot of courage.
And taking ownership of our duty of taking care of what should be done, is the start of work.

In music, we ground ourselves with the pules, no matter how crazily the melodies dance.

In yoga, we root ourselves with the breaths, no matter how our limitation is being challenged.

In life, we entrenched ourselves with our own truth, no matter how the lies from outside world sweet talk to us.  

Winter challenge: Breaking the pattern. Do something different.

In between the months from the previous post, hitting the Autumn of " battery running low" level.

Just at the moment, i chose to let go and cut down some classes so to keep myself in balance--- very glad to gain some understanding from my decisions.

Everyday, we face waves of challenges to test every aspect of ourselves-- But not everyday we get that wisdom to solve them, so we tend to put them aside.
With the accumulation of issues piling up, i feel the suffocation.

I wanted to go away to somewhere, anywhere.

Once my teacher told me bluntly-- The seed of the problem will still bear its fruits wherever i go. What are you running away from?

I didn't understand him at all, i kept that in mind though.
Running away. Is the easiest way, but that's not the way out. It took me awhile to realized that.

2014 has been rather transformative for me personally, many things that i didn't or refused to understand from previous years, i conclude that it is time to put a stop to all those struggle to try to make things right.

I'm going to do something about it!

Quoting from Kino Macgregor :

" If you try to hold a thought, or a person you are trying to change in an antagonism relationship, you are actually creating more of the same energy of the same. So we have to break that pattern." 

We will never be able to change and control what's outside of us, BUT we can always start to creating a healthy pattern with ourselves to break the pattern that causes unhappiness. 

" Be the change you want to see in the world." that's what Mahatma Gandhi, yeah!

Yes, honestly, the demanding yoga practices of Ashtanga has definitely play a huge role of the many things I'm doing with my life.
Emotionally, i do feel the strength of being a little less wavering & gaining a little more clarity within.

2014 has been extremely meaningful for me, initiating a few steps forward to break off all my doubts to explore Sea Turtles Projects in Bali yay!

Next would be visiting a country that i never desire to go to, Shanghai-- but i decided to keep my mind as open as possible.

Having great companies did play a huge part of me appreciate every little thing and moment i'm was in-- never deny any opportunity to love something.

I love this! That my friends were so spontaneously played with me:)

We all cross path to learn from one another:)

Never forget to fulfill your dreams while working hard for life, and share them with others too!

This winter will be something i extremely looking forward to-- heading to Mysore for couple of months for practice with Sharath.

Practice, eat, nap, eat, sleep & repeat---

Planning aside a block of time to de-clutter whatever are inside,
doing nothing as being such luxurious,
back to basic & simplicity--- the time i sort of what's the next step i wanna take in life:)

For the students whom we open and close the practice with Chants:)

I decided to introduce opening & closing mantra to a group of students fairly new to the Ashtanga practice yesterday. However tongue- twisting it may be presented at our tongues, I was glad that they were very open to give it a try and sing along with me.

Mantra, is one aspect that draws me into the practice, i love how the vibration we created can really  centre my mind, and the resonant after gives an amazing feeling of calmness. 

The concept of singing the opening chant is a great to platform to withdraw any external distractions and get drawn into our centre-- before starting the practice.

Personally, though i may not understand completely the real meaning of each verse

due to the language barrier of Sanskrit--- English translation however only offers a very surface explanation of the mantra;

I take upon the chance to thank the many previous teachers along the lineage who relentlessly passing down the knowledge for over the centuries till today---

Patanajli ( the sage name that appear in the opening mantra, is believed to the the first person who created the yogic knowledge that makes applicable throughout the years of generations--- on the book of Yoga Sutra)  so that we get the chance to learn and be in touch with the practice for our well-being. 

While after the physical practice, the closing mantra plays a good role as the closure of all those self- exploration, emotions roller- coaster and self- confrontation that happens during that 1.5hr to 2hrs hard work. 

It sets as a gentle reminder and appreciation for ourselves of making the time, space and effort to be in the practice, and for the craves of the self-knowledge. Always be grateful for the opportunity to be on the mat. 

The very first year when i started attending yoga classes in a big yoga studio in Singapore, the teacher would lead us into an "Aum" before starting the class. Which i loved it how it sets us in the right attitude after all those hectic rush and stress from work. 

Thereafter, the teachers stopped this practice instructed by the management, as some members were not comfortable with it. I felt a little disappointed of course and ridiculed by the discomfort. 

For those who were not comfortable could choose not to join in the "Aum" and wait for the rest; respecting the ancient practice, instead of stopping everyone from it just because of personal mental imbalance. 

It was a little saddening to me personally, because then the idea of yoga practice becomes so physical and concept of exercises ( which is definitely not)--- the contortion of the underlying purpose of the practice continues as the whole system was broken down into pieces. 

Soon after, i was drifting away from commercialize classes, because they no longer able to feed me answers for my questions other than on a very physical level. 

Now, as being a yoga teacher myself, that gave me a motivation to bring the connection of the physical ( asana)  practice and the more philosophical part of the practice to my students--- along with asana, we need to go beyond and understand the intention of the yogic system. 

梦想.लालसा.aspirasi. Dreams.

One evening, on my way to a class on a taxi....

While enjoying the moving scenery, the smoothness of the wheels on the road and listening to this interesting interview made over the radio of a mandarin channel;

With a veteran local actor who recently started his dream project of directing a film entering into the China market, 朱厚任 ( Zhu Houren)--- talking about a topic on 梦想 ( Aspirations). 

My attention immediately shifted from gazing of the passing trees & blue sky filled with fluffy clouds to him. What has this man who has already been around for more than half a decades has to talk about dreams at his age. 

Him talking about how much courage he took to step out from his comfort zone from being just acting to directing, he mentioned one sentence that came closes to my heart:

孩子的梦想，往往都是被父母吹灭
The dreams of a child, are usually tarnished by parents. 

Such reflective sentence came from his mouth of being in a role of a parent himself, was such a warm-heartening and relived from my constant tug-of-war with my parents. 

As i've mentioned in my previous blog posts, i admit that I'm probably the most rebellious child in the family--- i am not guilty at all:) 
In usual cases, my parents will only support my idea only after the change is a successful one. Which upsets me, sometimes. 

The closest kin are the ones who can hurt us most, because the relationship is close enough for that. 
Till today, i get constant disagreements with my parents for the kind of places i love traveling to, the activities that i enjoy doing and the community of people i love to engage with--- and the many life choices of micromanagement can really drives me crazy.

I've seen children growing up to become unhappy adults, compromising their happiness for the sake of the expectation from their parents--- the vicious cycle is just going to pass on to the next generation; my self-duty is to identify and cut this pattern for a happier and healthier future generation. 

Of course, in the view point of parents, i understand all parents want the best for their children. They love me as much as i love them. The antagonist appear when they are trying to fit me into their boxes-- and i'm highly sensitive for such manipulation. 

I remember how my parents will always show me all the negatives news articles after my travels to India and Indonesia, or after my dive trips--- hoping to plant the seed of fears discouraging my future travel plans to these countries again. It didn't work to favor them:)

Once, i nearly lost my own identity and started to take over their insecurities about so many things in life--- realizing that my constant fighting with their resistance was making me really tired. 

I've grow enough to understand that i may not need to make my parents happy the way they wanted to mould me to be right now;

the least i can do is to make them have no worries about me for being able to take care of myself--- they will be happy when the day they can truly understand me * crossed finger for the day to come sooner*

People wondered why i love traveling away for so long, especially to my favorite comfortable hide-out in Mysore, India. While many may think that my months in Mysore is a vacation---

Its not.

Being in Mysore, puts me into a reflective mode: it gives me enough space to really breathe into who i am and ground myself into where i want to move forward as a person in future--- its a spiritual luxury--- something i can't get back home filled with constant disagreements of my growth into blooming of who i really am. 

Listen to yourself, that's matter most. Consistently listen to the voice inside, and do what is right for yourself--- everything will fall into place beautifully when we least expect. 

Yogic tools to be In-sane.

My working- partner of 6 years and counting, Shirly always reminded me how already lucky that i touches the yoga path comparably in young age. I know, and i do remind myself everyday to put those acquired knowledge into good use. 

During one of my lowest point in life, when i thought i've just murdered myself emotionally---- i was having such a lousy mood on the plane all by myself. Just wanted to be left alone on that journey. 

This flight attendant walked up to me, with a wide smile, offered me a packet of nuts-- i rejected his offer initially, and he went on jingling the packet in front of me-- as if trying to make a child happy with candies ( i felt like that, seriously!) I looked at him and smiled for his nice gesture, and took the packet. 

Told myself that moment,

" Adeline, you just have to meet one good soul, and everything will fall into place nicely."

And it did. I begin to experience how my choices & lifestyle is creating a positive effects in the different connections & relationships with the people around me. For once, i knew that the universe had been taking care of me.  

This, i am truly glad that i started the yoga path early-- acquired at least the basic tools to maintain some level of sanity in the most insane situations i am/was in. 

I know that even if my whole world seems to be shattering, i can always fall back on my yoga practice with full trust. The yogic tools will always be there for my use to fix the pieces together. 

I've been through times when doubts, objections & expectations being thrown at me all at once--- every time when i thought i'm going to lost my ground, or even doubting myself so much;

I forced myself to the mat and practice---no matter how difficult it is or how much i wanted to avoid. 

Growth happens in most difficult time; i must admit that practicing yoga has accelerated the rate of maturity and my perception towards many things that i didn't manage to see in the past.

So, i'm secretly glad that i traded off corporate job & a degree paper for an"unpopular" choice of being a yoga teacher. 

I too want to pass a small message to all practitioners who had already dropping into a couple of yoga classes on & off many times--- start appreciating your time and effort for investing part of your life on the mat and the practice....

Because, one of this day, you will be real grateful that you have these yogic tools in your pocket that to survive in thunderstorms :)

Let all the sh*t flow out and get over it!

Admit it, yoga is not completely sweet--- its bitter sweet.

Keeping my personal practice on the mat going, has surely plays a huge part of the choices i take in my life.

Know what's the scariest and toughest part as the practice progress--- not all those falls or bruises or aches--- the  more dreadful is the part where we have to face our sh*t agin and again and again......
till we really get over, let go and grow up.

I can totally feel the capability of the practice to put me where i should be, not where i want to be. Every time when i got into a unfamiliar ground during my practice; the experience of at loss and anxiety really shook me up, and that i was so " traumatized" till that part of my memory was "lost" for a while.

However, that has successfully unfold the past memories of the same emotions--- that i believed has been living in my sub-conscuios--- because they appeared in my dream repeatedly.
Sometimes, i woke up having a feeling of sadness--- and i knew it clearly that its the results of the previous practices.

Again and again, layers and layers of such emotions and memories flows out from time to time.
Its frightening, because each time i felt that i'm not going to survive--- but i'm desperate enough for that breath of freedom.

David Swenson, a well- known Ashtanga teacher once mentioned, " Yoga practice on the mat is only a sample part of your whole life."

It is.

There are many times, i asked myself, if given a second chance to choose--- would i choose otherwise?

My answer will always be a "No". I will not choose otherwise; i will still choose to stick to the same choices i made few years ago. And this, stop all my rubbish thoughts from churning, and appreciate of my effort today.

I do understand that just like being on the mat--- we can't move on to the next when we are struggling with the current. The repeatedly having to face the same struggle can be really tiring--- but thats's where we gather enough strength for that break through.

Face it, the practice is just going to get tougher--- the more we do it, the more sh*t we are going to reveal--- sit tight and stay stronger. We will eventually survive and see the next sunrise;)

Face adversities. Expand perception.

Adversity forces us to expand our perception.

One who has the ability to perceive, has the ability to rise beyond the cloudiness and gain clarity in taking the next step. The eyes of perception goes through different layers-- its experiential, not from any book knowledge.

On one hand, i do get really upset when situation get difficult and sticky-- on the other hand, as time prolong, i am being direct to look at things is another situation that may be favorable to me.

Honestly, we do need the shit in our life to learn and grow.

A teacher once said ( i can't remember who): the journey uphill is not easy, but that's where you get the best view.

Jack Ma, a well-known entrepreneur from China, who started AliBaBa group;

Today, he was been seen in many TV programs and interviews of his success and shines are all publicize--- but how many people has got the chance to witness his darkest moments, his many times of failures and rejections he faced before he actually made it to the top today?

He once mentioned in an interview: Those who doesn't have the courage to face the negativities in life, will not know the way to success.

While in the tradition of Ashtanga Yoga practice, students are not encourage to talk or question. The only thing that we are required when on the mat is--- get down to practice. 

Sri K Patthabhi Jois had a very famous line " 99% practice, 1% theory".

This has comes to me in many different interpretation over the years--- With this sentence, i understand that each of us holds a unique path. We can be listening to the experience of others, reading the stories of others' life... but we can never perceive it unless it is our own experience. 

I remembered many times, i can be having a really bad shoulder pain, or the dull pain in my hip joints was happily staying on or even with a full body of aching muscles---

when i voiced out my many concerns about the practice and whether of my body can sustain through---- i would be slammed by a " no- concern" facial expression and a sentence.... " go and practice".

And, i am being taught to handle my own issues...  while students may tend to want the teachers to take responsible of their problems.

I am being taught to face my challenges with courage, though i am not at my optimized condition--- that's the reality of life, good or bad, life still goes on--- so does yoga practice.

What surprises me all the time, is how i actually manage to complete my practice, the aches had sort of dissolves along the way and those bugging pains seem to become peanuts and peas.

Probably that's how we define that yoga practices has the ability to " leave the world a better place than we first entered."

How beautiful or how ugly our world is--- depends on the ability to perceive what is in front of us.

Firstly. Roll out the mat.

18 May, 2014

Today marks the 5th anniversary for the passing of the late Sri K Pattabhi Jois-- a well known Ashtanga Yoga teacher in history.

I've never met him in person, in fact during my first trip to Mysore in 2009; we missed the chance of meeting him in person for by a couple of months.

However, i've heard so much about him & read a lot about his works of life. Though he'd left physically, his spirit is very alive in each of his students along the years he had been teaching. 

I learnt about him from the tongues of the many teachers that i got chances to study with--- i could see how their eyes beamed whenever they are recollecting memories of guruji ( as who they call Pattabhi Jois). The magic that had happened to them with guruji is still burning brightly--- continuing the baton to inspire the next few generations.

After hearing his life stories from various teachers, i totally salute to how he threw himself to complete faith; left home with that few pennies in his pocket, travelled few kilometers daily just to learn the knowledge of yoga from his guru ( krishnamacharya).

He must be a big rebel for his behavior, given the culture and practice back then in his time in India!

The beautiful thing that i appreciate from Ashtanga Yoga, is there nobody claim credits or owns or even trying to patent it.
Rooting from few thousands years of tradition, each teacher who are involve in this practice is keeping the lineage alive-- so that the future generations can benefit from this scared knowledge.

I like the idea of people just simply appear on their mat--- be it doing a home practice, or joining the crowds. 

I love seeing people walking into the studio and rolling out their mat--- whether rain or shine, clear or hazy sky--- they may be feeling happy or upset, no matter how life has been treating them--- just roll out the mat first.

As the mat spreads out, we choose to open doors--- we want to work things out--- we desire to figure out the mess inside us--- we decided to be clear of our identity--- 

we take responsibility of whatever has been happening to us--- we are open to face any dilemma that shows up within us--- we learn to grow up and have fun---

we choose not to hide and suppress our emotions--- we want to be brave enough to face uncomfortable emotions--- we are ready to work our ass off and build our empire of joy!

As warned by some practitioners who has been doing the second series, how emotionally crazy the one can experience as the practice progress. 

While i've sort of finally learn to manage a little more of those emotions exploding from kapotasana ( thanks to the super prying open of the heart centre)--- i recently keep having this dull and upset emotions while being bind into the Yoga Nidrasana  ( the total opposite of kapotasana anatomically). 

Once i even had to pause my practice, sat down and cry my heart out--- and subsequently the sadness will appear whenever i'm in that pose.
I hope i can get through this phase soon, it feels just terrible!













   

Ashtanga--- masculine or feminine?

My first thought of the Ashtanga method was very masculine, i used to attempt those challenging poses with brute force--- i was not exactly right.

As i am sticking to it, i slowly realized that it is very much a feminine- supported practice. Instead of fighting to mould myself into the pose; i started to soften all resistance so i can breathe into the pose, more comfortably and deeply.

On my personal experience, the incorporation of partnership from both masculine ( demand of strength and endurance) & feminine ( the full support of breath manipulation & softness) comes slowly through regular practice ( daily).

On one side i can be really impatient with the progression ( masculine), on the other hand i do constantly remind myself to respect what my body condition has to offer and release any expectation ( feminine).
Before, I've tried exploiting my body in order to fit into my ideal practice--- i injured myself. Till then, i learnt to be compassionate to myself and allowing the wound to heal and recover properly.

Just like in any relationship, the balance of the yin & yang within, around and with others--- it takes a great deal of time and effort to straddle towards a more balance and harmonious circle.

I like how Sharath always described the practice of Ashtanga as to climbing Mount Everest-- how those  challenges line ahead of us makes the practice more fun; which applies to our life too:)

"if everything comes easy, there will be no fun"

While those difficulties can ignite the fighting spirit within us; we too need to learn to surf smoothly on the creative energy of breaths--- and enjoy the waves of fun!

#100happydays, whats next?

Recently i realized there is this trend going on about being happy "deliberately"--- which i don't quite get the point.

The game started with a whole package of 100 days, and each day the participants will do the listed activities to prove they had accomplished that mission = they had a happy day.... #100happydays... familiar?  

The first question i thought was.... are you really happy, or just satisfied with the mission you'd accomplished upon showing it to the world on a social media?

Second question was... How does this " pseudo happiness" gonna last? Then what will happen on the 101th day? 

Third... Each task, is just gonna be done ONCE on that particular day? Its like a crash diet-- its not given enough time to incorporate into your lifestyle. Pretty sure you're going to ditch the plan after a day.

Pardon for my personal opinion i ranted out above, a lot of my friends around me are doing this--- i've not objection about that, just a strong view point on my individual side. 

Some says " fake it till you make it"...

Trying to be happy, is it really happy? Or is it an action to avoid the realistic emotion.

I strongly believe, that if one is really happy.... the amount of happiness is immeasurable--- not by number of days or numbers of activities. It just happens.

If one is upset and unhappy--- it is important to go through those aches and down-spiral realistically( i mean, that's life isn't it?) -- as a reflection of current situation, and probably making some changes about it. 

It is OK to be upset, its not something horrible to feel down.  

Else, creating " fake happiness" is just like sweeping all the trash under the carpet-- accumulating more issues and in the midst losing your real self too. 

I mean, this is too just my personal view. #justranting #readwithopenmind 

Who says it's gonna be easy?

One who thinks that practice of yoga is easy, hasn't really quite done it.

Whoever who feels that this spiritual practice is full of pain and torment, hasn't stay long enough to dive deeper for the magic to happen. 

Looking at the sutras and those ancient text of on yoga, it never mention on a word or any description that it will be easy. None.

What those books reveal, are a chunk of benefits and most importantly, a long list of tools for any practitioners who embark in this self- discovery journey. 

The Bhagavad Geeta tells the story of how Arjuna caught himself in confusion and dilemma in the battlefield of Kurukshetra ---- The charioteer, Krishna then has a long conversation sharing words of wisdom before Arjuna took the next move. 

That relate to what is always happening in our inner world, the battlefield is inside each of us; the charioteer is in there, the wisdom is in there too. 

Or we may even look at those reference text of Yoga Sutra, a compilation of 4 chapters delivers the technical and scientific part of the practice--- the reasons of our constant unhappiness, backing-up with methods and qualities we need to acquire in order to stay through with the practice.

These two are my favorite reference books on the philosophical part of yoga; which i will pick up to read anytime.

As my personal practice started to get a little more demanding in general, i was initially ridiculed by how difficult it was getting. 

When i reached to a certain limit of no more strength, where i can't quite figure out what's the next step, desperately wanting to penetrate to the next drop of strength---- i thought...

" Where can i find that much of the strength to do this? What should i do to make to happen. 

Its too tough."

I know it was more of mentally than physically demanding. 

And the ancient text had already hinted us that the practice is going to a very tough ones--- with all those long list of reminders that hopefully be pounded hard in our head to keep us moving on.

Intense faith. Continuous practice. Discriminative knowledge. Dispassion. 

Its simple, yet asking a lot of us. 

Bite on and keep moving. 

3 things i started not to mind as a teacher.

Whoo~hoo... 

Its been a long busy week.... busy month....s....first quarter of 2014, 

the good news is...

Tomorrow is moon day on a Monday, ashtangis love that!

Gonna really catch that breather again:)

While savoring the rest day, l realized that there are couple of stuff that i didn't actually mind that much being a yoga teacher, looking back from the first day i started... till today.

Having A Rubber Time. 

I used to favor schedules and fixed plan, and would even sulk if my plan was affected by whatever reasons--- which i did was a rigid and real play safe regulator. 

Bye bye to that rigidity. My schedule is very scheduled yet flexible. I can have days where last minute class cancellation ( which sometimes can really be unavoidable), and i used to felt like being abandoned kid walking around orchard road. 

But i've learn to manage it by having a small note book and a pen for some doodling.. or a book in my bag, drop in a cafe along the way and spend some times reading, or even just people watching. 

That's how life works isn't it, anything can still happen however perfectly we make our plan beforehand--- learning how to manage unexpected circumstances and keep things in fluidity always. 

Not having three proper meals a day.

For goodness sake, i need to eat, full and satisfying--- but i always felt uncomfortable & sleepy during teaching class. Coming from a family culture of having to eat three proper full meals a day, i've sort of bash of the habits over the years. 

Adopting majority plant-based diet was not really helping me much initially--- my sugar & iron level fluctuate depending on my activities. By mid day, i get fatigue very often.

Irregular eating regularly. 

Along the way, I'm adapting to the habit of eating little many small thing or snacking in between classes, keeping my stomach light yet not empty is doing " so far so good".

But i still need a good dinner ;)

Whenever i desperately needed an emergency energy boost---- chocolate never fails me!

Their sweat, on me. 

Its unavoidable, unless i don't touch my students at all. 

I like being adjusted by teachers, and definitely want my students to enjoy such hands-on from me too!

Ok, honestly, i didn't even like sweating on myself... forget about touching the sweat of other bodies. 

I've make peace with it, and went ahead to place my hands and feet on those sweaty bodies, or even having them to lean on me-- getting my favorite yoga gears with a mixture of sweats.... how great to end my day with lots of clothes washing:)

No, i don't mind. I do sweat a lot, no kidding... and my teachers had never shun away, instead  they didn't mind stepping closer to help ( ok, one can't avoid a sweat-free practice with ashtanga). 

I do see that as a teacher, in order to share, i at times need to accept their sweats & tears--- then i shine some light through those cracks when they are ready to receive. 

Once my teacher asked on what one quality you want from a teacher. 

My answer: A teacher who can give a student a great sense of security. 

And that as a reflection on me too--- and i execute that sense of security through touch:)

I had a chance to catch up with my a teacher friend, both of us can't believe how time really flies of within a few blinks. And finally this year, there is a feeling of at ease after those previous years of constant exploration & turbulence--- and adapting for a more balance of teaching, self-practice and private life:)

Having faith of the unknown.

The recent MH370 incident, which the tension is still going on today... i find myself check out the updates on the situation online and the newspapers daily. It did throw me back to a zone of reflection, how such a big plane still couldn't be found anywhere.

" That's life, things happen and there are events its beyond our control.", i could imagine my teacher saying this whenever i poured out my share of worries on certain things.

While there are people struggling with their last few breathes, here we are being fidgety with the peanut size stuff in our daily life. Having learnt about the many lives still out somewhere to our unknown--- it sort of pushes me into a kind of surreal feeling.

Life is fragile, and each of us has a kind of vulnerable in us. And in most time, we are building cemented wall around us to keep ourselves away from any harms--- why not feel the tenderness of life?

Like how our touch become soft whenever we hold flower petals in our hands. We want to feel the softness of the petals with our fingers, taking time to enjoy the beauty of the flower--- have you realize how everything softens while we get close to flowers? --- we smell slowly, our gaze softens and we even have a little sweetness in our smile.

There's no difference between us and the flowers--- life.

We are not plastic flowers that will last forever---- we are real flowers--- we have life line running in us, bloom it!

Being alive makes a difference in our life.
Being fragile is not a bad thing, its good. When we understand how delicate our lives are, we know how to appreciate life--- not things.

I love traveling and flying.

The one moment that i would totally sink myself in is the taking off of the plane.

Every time, i felt as if its really useless for me to want to hold on and control everything that's beyond my control. We all have issues of letting go, and let things be--- every time while the plane take off--- it reminded me to trust the expertise of the pilots and give faith to how it turned out to be.

When every time the little bud of fear starts growing inside, i would do a little quiet prayer to myself that everything will turn out ok. And i promise myself to appreciate my life more than before. That's why i like traveling and flying on plane--- the unknown is scary yet fulfilling.


Right now, i really really hope MH370 would miraculously appear, and everyone safe and sound.
Let's say a little prayer each day before we start our day, and appreciate our present moment always:)

Two things you can't hide from your yoga teacher.

Through the teaching of yoga towards different students, we want to collect as much information as possible from a student in the shortest period-- so as to better understand their actual conditions.

Most of the time, we depends on verbal and visual observations. 

To be very open with the range of students i've encountered, large percentage stands to the area of           " very self- conscious"--- which very few of them are open to their health conditions, their beginner level of practice and to their weaknesses in the class.

I'm not saying that they are lying or hiding it deliberately. Usually its a habitual low level of self awareness that they didn't even realize it.  

Thus, they don't mentioned it, consciously behaved in a conditioned manner throughout the practice--- portraying a "tough" expressions or expressionlessly that they are "alright".

But in most time, which is not the case.

There are two things students can't hide from yoga teachers:

Your breathing pattern don't lie.

However the students try to control their facial expressions, or their body movements--- their irregularity of the breaths leaks out the cat in the bag. Whether you are holding your breathing, or making too much effort in your breath--- your teacher knows it all, just by walking past you.

Because, you can't pretend to be relax till your breaths say so.

A touch says it all.

I love being touch and adjust by teachers during the practice.
Its like an information exchange within that few seconds of contact. A touch determined the decision for me to stay or leave.

I love touching my students too, its a non-verbal yet very accurate way to know and understand their bodies & conditions. The reflex responses is so spontaneous that usually display their real underlying problems ( them.. unknowingly, us.. knowing everything).

Each twitch, each softening and each tension from their muscles--- tell us a lot about them, which can be very useful for both the teacher & students.

Yoga teaching has made me realized not to take things as face- value--- till i experience it myself. 

In the modern society, people habitually tend to hide their real self, and present an "ideal" image of themselves to the peers. And one day, they lost themselves too, for the sake of being too conscious of how people view them. 

When students appear on the yoga mat, there are many things they do not know about themselves in the reality condition. They only recognize themselves in the " ideal" state of self- creation in their little fantasy. So when coming into this practice, some could not handle seeing their own truth. 

Students of the younger age appear to be more open to changes, and let loose to allow whatever the practice has got to offer--- thus making better progression. 

Students of maturity tends to hold back a lot of tension and present a great fear of releasing. 

Which also is a reflection of their mental state of learning--- rigidity. Very much because of years of conditioning from work & peers, they habitually want to take control of every inch of their muscles-- creating more tension.

I've no judgement of anyone, but this place a good observation study for me how we can slowly loose our real selves unconsciously, in the period of us trying to fit into the society through the creation of another pseudo of ourselves. 

Just a little more of everything.

.... As we shed the skin of a kid into running the life of an adult...

i have to agree that it can be quite tiring at times. 

The period when we learn how to pick up responsibility, but

nobody taught us how to put in down. 

.... Ridiculously how we are supposed to follow rules....

yet putting an expectation for out-of- the- box mindset.

The contradiction environment we are living in,

can really tear us apart.

... While being pressured to live in dualities...

We need a little more of every other things.

We need a little more love for ourselves,

and a little more appreciations towards others.

.. a little more silence within us,

and a little more humanity around us.

 .. a little more time of nothingness,

and a little more open to perspectives.

.. a little more sweetness to the morning air,

and a little more of peaceful night sleeps.

..a little more of smiles & eyebrows lifts,

and a little more of uncontrollable laughters. 

..a little more of courage for our dreams,

and a little more faith in the universe.

..a little more strength to move through bad times,

and a little more compassion for yourself.

..a little more deep breaths,

and a little more lightness in our footsteps.

... a little bit more of everything, 

and a little more of happiness everyday. 

Doing the thing you THINK you cannot do!

There come some transitions in the yoga practice that requires one important ingredient: Courage. 

 I come across students, whom already acquired a good level of physical strength, yet not able to transit 
smoothly into he next pose. While they are technically capable, most of the time mentally handicapped--- even in myself. 

Most of the time, the mind had already decided the outcome-- and thus the physical will fulfill the message. When we allow time for fear to set into the mind, we cannot accomplish many things. 

However, when repeatedly learn to bring our focus to the outcome first, the mind will automatically work its way to it. 

And all this, happens in a blink! 

All we need, is a sudden gush of courage, and tell yourself--- Just go!

The same things applies towards many decisions we make in our life.

Recently, i've heard many of my friends around me changing working environment, stepping out of the usual routine to execute their dreams, and who are looking into moving to another stage of their career options. 

I love hearing them making changes, and explore into the unexpected. Because going into the unknown that makes us more alive--- and more courageous.

There's always nothing to lose, because no matter what the outcome is--- we walk through those doors a better person, we learnt something useful. 

A life of appreciations, how's that?

One of the longest and strongest relationship i am in till today is with my personal practice of yoga.

Like many other relationships, this has become my closest and most private friend--- that many times, sailing through heaps of vulnerability with it--- that also makes the relationship getting stronger and stronger each time.

Putting aside the factor of highly challenging physical aspects of the practice, over the years it had taught me so much. Lessons of wordless language--- mostly by observation and experiential. And this, time plays a huge part of it.

Time reveals everything, how true is this. 
Though my daily practice hasn't have much drastic changes, I felt like i've been through waves of evolution within me. I learn to let time unfold what life has to offer, and see things, situations and people in many layers.

Detachement, a big word that has been with me as long as i've been in the practice. What i once understood as, was actually not it should be. As my practice progress, i progress mentally too.

And this, takes time for the experience to fall into place.

Letting go, is probably one of the most difficult word to understand--- forget about even trying to explain it in words. 

As Sri Pattabhi Jois famous quote : Practice, practice, practice and all is coming.
Sometimes, too much words may just hinder the learning process.
One learns the zest of yoga by experience it personally--- therefore the lesson is complete only within each of us.

One of the biggest part of the practice i've learn in recent years is living a life of appreciations. 
I first learn to appreciate myself for making the effort and time into my daily practice. 

Thus i too appreciate the overall health that allows me operate my days and making my dreams come true.

From the seed of appreciation i planted in myself, it slowly grows towards me being grateful for the people who has always been around me--- even the taxi that decided to pick me up whenever i flight along the street.

The last part was probably the slowest, that i extend my appreciation towards situations that got me upset.
In my most difficult times, it take me long long time to make peace with myself and once the wisdom of appreciation sets in, the knots and grasps released and flew away by itself.

Now, i've got more space to contain the better things in life.:)